Vin Diesel is back as Xander Cage in xXx: Return of Xander Cage, and while I really like the first one, some movie franchises should just die. But, then how can I be surprised at the turn out of the movie, when the movie is centered around your in-movie tag-line: “Kick some ass, get the girl, and try to look dope while doing it.” – Sounds a bit bland and lacking.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage Synopsis

Xander Cage is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons.

This marks the third and hopefully last entry into the xXx (Triple X) series. It’s not that the movie was bad or lacked originality. For me the entire downfall of this movie is the complete absurdity that ensures allowing the Xander Cage to simply “extreme” himself out of any situation regardless of plausibility or common sense.

BendWebs-Spoilers

For me the straw that broke the camels back, was during the scene that the “Pandora’s Box” is stolen from in the CIA headquarters. Its filled to the brim with CIA agents (the good guys) but somehow during the entire fight, they not only manage to not be able to shot any of the 4 guys with their automatic machine guns, but there are times they don’t even fire. Yes, they will have a completely clear and open shot yet instead decide to fist fight or attempt a take down. — Do they ever learn? Nope.

Physics be damed

Just about every real world physics interaction is ignored when its trick time simply to allow the trick to go bigger than the previous.

Here is a list of some of the more ridiculous:

Jumping off a tower (approximately a hundred feet – it looks big) to land onto a sloped jungle enterance on skis and ride through the jungle

Defying gravity in a plane that is heading straight to earth

Pulling plane out of the said nosedive

Jet Ski dirt bikes they take in the ocean AND manage to dive under water while keeping the engines running

Granted being a bit over the top was always in the xXx movie model – but damn it, it was so much better when it relied on much more real world based physics with the occasional over the top.

If Vin Diesel’s other franchise, The Fast and The Furious is any indication the over the top action movie we dont want is here to stay. I mean in the The Fate of the Furious trailer they redirect a damn torpedo from a car that was just shot from a submarine that breached the ice.

Granted haven’t seen F8 yet, but can only guess they were also being chased by zombies that know Kung-fu that are guarding a legendary sword that can transform Vin Diesel into an orangutan named Buck.